Chris’ Meeting

Phil and I are engaged in a serious Google whack battle when we spot Chris heading in our direction. Chris is looking very serious. So serious that Phil decides now would be a good time to disappear and feigns an urgent business call on his Blackberry. With a sigh I close Google down to give Chris the impression of having my undivided attention. He is one of the growing number of managers which think that I report to him – four at the last count, three of whom are all of the opinion that they are managing the same project. I use the term ‘managing’ loosely as they all seem unaware of the other managers who may or may not be doing the same job as them. Still, Chris is the one that I have to work round at this moment in time.

“We need to have a meeting” he says.

“Oh” I reply wisely. “What about?”

“The Tuesday meetings” he replies

I’m slightly thrown by this. Have I heard right? Chris wants to have a meeting about the Tuesday meetings? I decide to seek further clarity.

“You want to have a meeting about the Tuesday meetings?” I say.

“Yes, they’re not working” Chris responds.

Now I wouldn’t know if this is true or not as I stopped bothering to attend the Tuesday meetings several weeks ago. I felt that we’d usually covered most of what needed to be said at the Monday morning meetings and that anything which got forgotten could be picked up at the Thursday afternoon  meetings. Couple this with a seemingly endless stream of email and the fact that the project team all sit together anyway and I think we might have inter-team communication covered. I wonder if I should point this out but I’m concerned it might come across flippant and Chris, as I mentioned, is looking serious. I decide I should look serious too but it’s not something I’m all that good at. I am cursed with a face that just can’t do serious very well; I usually end up looking constipated. I decide to try anyway as the situation appears to warrant it. Chris frowns.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, yeah, fine” I say. Damn!

“It’s just that you look a bit… peaky” he says.

I decide I’d better bring him back to the point in hand as quickly as possible. “What’s wrong with the Tuesday meetings then?”

“No one comes.” Chris says. “You must have noticed how poor attendance has been the last few weeks.”

Now it’s my turn to frown. Chris hasn’t realised that I haven’t been at the Tuesday meetings for the past few weeks. He hasn’t noticed despite them being poorly attended. Not for the first time I question whether I contribute in meetings as much as I maybe should. That’s a problem for me to deal with later however. At the moment I have some lying to do.

“Yes, we have been a bit thin on the ground haven’t we” I say, sympathetically.

“Exactly. So I think we need to have a meeting about this and sort it out” Chris says with the stoic belief of a man who believes that there is nothing that can’t be solved with a meeting despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I decide I should try to point out the potential flaw in his thinking.
“You want to have a meeting about meetings that no one turns up to?” I say, by way of a gentle hint.

“That’s right. That way we discuss exactly why people aren’t turning up and address their concerns so they get as much as possible out of future meetings” he explains.

“Right” I say. “But aren’t you concerned that people won’t turn up to your meeting about the meetings?”

Chris looks surprised. “I can’t imagine that’ll happen” he replies. “It’s important that we get this stuff talked about for the good of the project.” He looks at me as if he expects an answer. I decide against the obvious answer and instead settle for, “Well, that sounds… great”. There is a pause. More is clearly expected of me. “I’ll be there” I lie.

“Great, I knew I could rely on you” Chris smiles and wanders off to look for Phil, safe in the knowledge that he has another supporter to his cause.

Later that week Chris books a meeting in our diaries. No one goes.